'Happily married, yet obsessed with another woman'

Dear Coleen,

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and have two young children. I love her and our kids without question, but Ive also developed a thing for a woman I met through work. I dont know whether its love, but I see a lot of her at the moment, as were working closely on a project.

Im so attracted to her physically, but we also get along really well. I cant explain it, but we just click and it feels like Ive known her forever, even though theres still a lot I dont know about her, which is exciting. I feel the same as I did when I first got together with my wife, which is very confusing.

I never expected this to happen to me and Im not a cheater, but its making me question my marriage and thats a scary feeling. I know how lucky I am to have my wife shes a total knockout and a lovely person, not to mention a great mum.

Why cant I get this other woman out of my head? Should I take these feelings seriously or try to ignore them? Usually, I know what to do, but this is a curveball.

Coleen says,

I think this is what you call a crush or an infatuation a very strong physical and emotional attraction. However, dont mistake it for love. Look, its normal to be attracted to other people, even when youre in a happy relationship and love your partner, and its not a sign to blow up your marriage.

My advice would be to back away from this woman. I realise you have to work together for the moment, but you dont have to engage outside of work. That means no coffee dates, no lunches, no drinks on the way home and no texts or emails that dont concern work. Then, if you commit your time and energy to your marriage, I think these feelings you have for this woman will fade.

Remind yourself of the lovely life youve created with your wife your family and your home and all the experiences youve had together over the years. Then ask yourself why youd risk it for an office romance with a woman you barely know. Remind yourself of what you have to lose, which is a lot. Imagine telling your wife about this woman and that youre leaving. Give yourself a reality check.

All long relationships can go through periods of feeling a bit dull, and you can find yourselves in a rut, but you have to put effort into staying connected. If youre missing romance or intimacy, do something about it. Its up to you to create the excitement.

Coleens words of wisdom

When you find yourself romanticising a past relationship, ask yourself if youre actually missing your ex, or missing the feeling you had when you believed things would work? Remind yourself of the reasons why it didnt.

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