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'I would drink two bottles of wine every night - then I had a spiritual awakening'

Karen Gray says drinking used to be her 'hobby' and she would plan it around when she was looking after her daughter

[Karen Gray, 53, struggled to say no to a night out from a young age and described getting drunk as her main 'hobby']

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Karen Gray, 53, struggled to say no to a night out from a young age and described getting drunk as her main 'hobby'(Image: SWNS)

A mum who would drink two bottles of wine every night and had weekend benders while her young daughter was at her dad's is celebrating six years sober. Karen Gray, 53, struggled to say no to a night out from a young age and described getting drunk as her main hobby.

The photographer, from Swindon, was able to give up drinking when she got pregnant with her daughter Sophie, now 20, but started again soon after she gave birth, leading to her splitting up with Sophies father.

Karen would drink two bottles of wine every night of the week, and planned her drinking around when Sophie was at her dad's house. She said lockdown caused her drinking to escalate, and she used Deliveroo to order bottles of wine to her house, before attempting to take her own life in April 2020.

Karen was found by her friend and blue-lighted to the hospital, where she had a "spiritual awakening" and is now celebrating six years sober. The mum of one said: When I used to drink, I would drink to the point where I couldnt stop.

[Karen would order endless bottles of wine off Deliveroo]

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Karen would order endless bottles of wine off Deliveroo(Image: SWNS)

Id have one, then want another one, and then another one. I couldnt just have one glass of wine; Id have the whole bottle. My hobby was going out and getting drunk; I would do it at any opportunity.

My whole life was built around when I could drink next. I feel like a completely different person now; Im so at peace. My daughter and I have always been best friends, but now I can finally connect with her properly.

Karens first experience of alcohol was when she was 16 and still in school. She would go to house parties at the weekend, and then, when she was 17, she started going out to local pubs and bars.

Every time I went out drinking, Id get in trouble with the police for just being mouthy and gobby," Karen said. I got barred from every single pub in my local town at age 19, but I saw it as a badge of honour.

As she got a bit older, Karen started frequenting the London clubbing scene, where she would take ecstasy every weekend. I was changing the way I felt because I was uncomfortable in my own skin," she said.

At age 25, Karen got a job working for the local council and would drink a bottle or two of wine by herself in her flat every night after work. She said: I would be on a bender from Friday to Sunday, and then I wouldnt go to work on the Monday. The number of Mondays I had off from that job was unreal.

When Karen was 34, in 2004, she became pregnant with her daughter Sophie and decided she needed to sort my life out. She stopped drinking during her pregnancy and for the first three months after Sophies birth, until one day in March, 2005, she met up with a girl from her clubbing days and ended up getting smashed in the middle of the afternoon.

Karen said: That was me back to wanting to drink every night. Id always said to myself that if I had a child, I would stop. Thats when I knew I had a serious problem.

[Karen used to drink heavily from a young age]

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Karen used to drink heavily from a young age(Image: SWNS)

Sophies dad ended up looking after his young daughter a lot whilst Karen was drinking. The couple split in 2007, when Sophie was two years old, due to Karens drinking.

After the breakdown of their relationship, Karen would plan nights out at weekends and on Wednesdays, when Sophie was at her dads house. Realising she needed to make a serious change, Karen checked into rehab for a month in 2007 to try and kick her habit for good.

Thats where I learned that addiction is a disease," she said. Karen began going to recovery meetings and started the 12-step program, but says she didnt take it seriously.

She said: I wanted to do things my way, and I would just pick and choose bits of the programme."

After two years of sobriety, Karen relapsed in 2009. As soon as I picked up that drink, it was back to square one," she said. After relapsing, Karen was back to drinking two bottles of wine on Wednesday's and at the weekend whilst Sophie was at her dad's.

Karen said: I felt like I was a rubbish mum and I was doing everything wrong, even though I loved my daughter so much. The guilt that came after Id had a heavy session drinking was just awful.

[Karen (left) with daughter Sophie]

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Karen (left) with daughter Sophie(Image: SWNS)

When lockdown hit in 2020, Karens drinking escalated due to her fears around the pandemic. "As soon as Boris came on the TV at 5pm, I'd crack open a bottle of wine," she said.

This led to her attempting to take her own life in April 2020. While she was in hospital, Karen had an internal click and realised she did not want to continue living life this way.

Ive not wanted to pick up a drink since that day," she said. Not once."

She went back to recovery meetings and got a sponsor to help her through the 12-step programme. I felt like lockdown was my own private little rehab, because no one was going out and partying, so I didnt feel like I was missing out on anything," she said.

She started her recovery programme on Zoom before going to meetings in person when lockdown restrictions lifted. Karen has now been sober for six years and says she feels like she has had a spiritual awakening.

In 2024, she was diagnosed with ADHD, which she believes fed into her struggles with addiction. Karen said: As soon as I started taking the medication, I felt so much calmer, and it got rid of my anxiety. I wish I had been diagnosed when I was younger; things may have been so different."

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