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Blimey, its been hot. Ive been so warm in the record breaking heatwave that I squirted the contents of a McDonald's apple pie over my head to cool down.
You can really tell the temperature has soared because on the bus I saw a pensioner with the top button of her coat undone. The heat was so much I was sweating like Lee Evans on a treadmill in a sauna.
I find Im wetter before I get into the shower than when I get out. Must be great to be plain old non-sweater Andrew Windsor in this weather.
On the upside Ive been getting a great tan so I entered a sunbathing competition. I got bronze. Though I had a bad day at work when my boss sent me home for being unprofessional.
Though he was the one who said we can bring shorts in if we want due to the heat. How was I to know he didnt mean have loads of glasses of Jack Daniels. But be thankful its not snowing, imagine shovelling snow in this heat?
I asked my wife how she would feel standing two feet away from me and flailing her arms around in order to cool me down. She said she wouldn't be a fan.
Fans of Arsenal are in dreamland and even more insufferable after winning the Premier League, which I tipped in this very column in August.
And I reckon they will have even more to smile about by beating PSG winning the Champions League and make making cassh easy with a bet on Eberechi Eze scoring on the night.
But for the love of god please dont let Piers Morgan on the pitch to celebrate again.
ARSENAL TO BEAT PSG - (10bet) - 21/10
EZE TO SCORE ANYTIME - (10bet) - 7/2
I just watched a documentary on how ships are built. It was riveting. Build a fortune with a gamble on GENK to beat Gent in the Belgian league - (Ladbrokes) - 5/4
I just bought a Humpty Dumpty toy from ALDI. It even came with Aldi kings horses and Aldi kings men. Have a crack on The Hawkstone Farmers Choir to win Britains Got Talent - (Ladbrokes) - 4/1
A police officer came to my house and asked me where | was between 4 and 5. He seemed irritated when I answered, nursery. Make winning childs play with a bet on THE ANGEL KING in the 3.30pm at Chester - (bet365) - 10/1
I was pickpocketed while doing the limbo I dont understand how someone can stoop so low. Aim high with a punt on USA to beat Senegal in a friendly - (Coral) - 6/4
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