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Erling Haaland accused of making Man City worse 'when they need goals he's useless'

BRENT A GOB: This week, Harry's fuming about Erling Haaland, the reaction to Pep Guardiola's self-harm joke, and Liverpool supporters booing Jude Bellingham

[Erling Haaland]

Erling Haaland has been accused of making Manchester City worse(Image: PA)

Erling Haaland has made Manchester City worse and if you disagree youre about as wrong as the texts Jermaine Jenas sends to his colleagues.

Viking Ents like him are great when youre 3-0 up against Luton, but when the goings tougher than Duncan Fergusons knuckles hes about as pointless as Arne Slots shower cap.

All Haaland does is aimlessly float around the box with a stiffened look on his face, like a discarded blow-up doll, while his team-mates play a game of football near him. Honestly, hes about as good a fit in a Pep Guardiola team as Sean Dyche is on a Chanel catwalk.

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Bore off, anti-humour dweebs

One thing about modern life that I hate more than David Coote hates Jurgen Klopp is the endless, incessant pearl-clutching of the permanently-offended masses. Case in point: the reaction to Guardiolas self-harm joke a joke so tame it makes Michael Owen look like Ricky Gervais.

In case you missed it, Pep went full mad scientist and scratched his own face after Citys implosion vs Feyenoord, then joked to reporters hed done it because he wanted to hurt himself.

Cue a mob of self-appointed moral guardians clutching their cyber pitchforks, accusing him of trivialising a serious issue. I mean what a load of Wayne Rooneys managerial career sorry, I mean garbage.

[Pep Guardiola]

Pep Guardiola made light of the visible scratch on his nose(Image: YouTube/TNT Sports)

He then had to issue a grovelling apology because apparently, the world has forgotten what sarcasm is. Whats next, five lashes for anyone referring to Monday mornings as torture?

Humour is a great way to process stress and frustration, and the oversensitive prats who cant or wont understand that need to sod off more than that Thogden bloke does.

Bizarre Bellingham boo-boys

Im about to do something that feels as unnatural to me as saying something insightful does to Lee Dixon: stick up for Jude Bellingham. Well, sort of. Im not exactly sticking up for him. Im just calling out the entitled, narcissistic muppets who booed that entitled, narcissistic muppet every time he touched the ball against Liverpool at Anfield last week.

Dont get me wrong, I love a bit of Bellingham hate more than Reece James loves a hamstring strain. But still, it was clownery, the sort of clownery that makes paying 82million for Antony look rational.

Why did they boo him, you ask? Well, because he didnt sign for them last year. Thats it. Not because of something he said, or something he did. But because he decided to live in Madrid rather than Merseyside, which, frankly, is about as surprising as Micah Richards finding something amusing.

What makes it all the weirder is that Liverpool never bid for him. Imagine abusing a player your club didnt even officially try to sign. Thats like moaning about a girl not dating you after you forgot to ask her out.

[Harry Brent]

Harry Brent

Harry Brent is a journalist, broadcaster and columnist who joined Reach PLC in 2021. He specialises in football and opinion writing and is the architect of the Daily Star's notorious weekly column, 'Brent a Gob'. Known for his irreverent, sharp-witted, and often polarising takes, he has carved out a unique space in sports media. When he isn't "gobbing off" in print, he's hosting Mirror Football's 'Make Football Great Again' podcast.

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