'I bonked a bride behind my man's back and now I know I prefer girls to guys'

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

• From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Delicious fun

I openly go out with men but prefer secret sex with girls. My current boyfriend has no idea that I also get off with other women behind his back.

I know that Im living a lie, but I cant help myself.

Its women I fantasise about when my current boyfriend makes love to me. Its pretty girls I ogle in nightclubs, not hunky blokes.

Recently I went on a team building residential with work. For three days and nights we worked hard but played hard too. On the last night we had a party in my bosss hotel suite and I got very drunk. Some women on a hen night crashed the room and madness ensued. I ended snogging - and then bedding the bride-to-be. She was absolutely delicious and so much fun. We had wild sex until the morning when she finally fled in guilty tears. But I loved every second of having her in my arms and didnt even flinch when my colleagues started teasing me at breakfast.

My current boyfriend is a lovely bloke, but he knows nothing of my true leanings.

When we make love, its fine. I enjoy it, but its always so much better with a girl.

Whats my next move? Do I find a full-time woman to love? Do I tell my boyfriend the truth about myself? Do I up sticks, reinvent myself and start again elsewhere? The problem is that my parents and extended family arent very broadminded or open people. I just dont know how theyd respond to me turning up with another woman in tow and introducing her as my life partner.

Im so confused.

JANE SAYS: It would be very wrong of you to have another sexual encounter behind your boyfriends back because cheating is cheating no matter who youre doing it with. Its wonderful that youre finally being honest with yourself and your true needs and feelings. Your next move has got to involve telling your current partner that this relationship isnt working for you and why.

Pick the right time and explain to him exactly what youve told me; that you actually find yourself more attracted to women than men. Then - and only when youre completely single again - can you contemplate finding same sex love.

As for your parents and extended family, yes, I get it that they may not approve of any future (female) partners, but this is your life. Youre entitled to live it any way you choose. Youre an individual and dont have to apologise for your true sexuality. Is it worth speaking to your parents now and simply explaining that your next partner may be a woman and that youd like them to respect and accept that?

The fact is that every day problems arise within same sex relationships too. You wont be guaranteed happiness and complete fulfilment just because youre in a womans bed instead of a mans. There will be trials and challenges ahead, but being true to yourself has to be a positive start.

Caught on the rebound

Im angry that my partner is still in regular contact with his ex. This causes arguments in our relationship because he wont agree to breaking free from her completely. He and I got together just days after they broke up in January. Several of my friends warned me that he was on the rebound and that I should be careful, but I thought he was over her.

Then I found intimate messages to her on his phone. He was saying that he missed her and she said that she still loved him too. Naturally I confronted him and he defended her by saying that she was hurting. I argue that hes not taking my feelings into consideration. I want to give him an ultimatum her or me - but Im terrified that he will pick her.

JANE SAYS: I fear that youre wasting time and energy on a man who isnt in a position to devote himself entirely to you. Clearly, theres a lot of unfinished business between him and his ex, as shes never actually gone away. Maybe you just have to accept that this is not a battle youre ever going to win. Take the gloves off and talk to him face-to-face. Explain that you simply dont have the energy nor the stomach for this situation.

What is he thinking? Is he still missing his ex and regretting leaving her? Does he wish to end things with you in order to go back to her bed? Ultimately, he has to understand that he cant have it both ways; he cant continue to flirt, chat and meet (?) with her while breaking your heart. What about your feelings and your plans for the future?

Id like to know what keeps him with you. Is it money or a cosy roof over his head?

Right size

My wife is furious. She doesnt approve of my plan to sell our large house in order to release money for our grown up children. But I think its ridiculous us staying in a massive five-bedroomed detached property when our kids have no cash.

They dont have the funds for a deposit, so cant get on the housing ladder. My wife thinks this is a ridiculous idea. She doesnt see why they should get a penny. She feels that theyve had enough from us already and now its time for them to stand on their own feet. I dont get this attitude. They are our flesh and blood.

The other night we had a terrible row about this. She stormed that if we sell this house, then were over; shell get a small place of her own and file for divorce. What have I unleashed?

JANE SAYS: I suggest - if you value your marriage - that you accept that this one battle youre not going to win.

Clearly, your home is your wifes sanctuary. Its the place shes invested her love, energy and pride in. The thought of selling up is simply too much. Maybe shes never been as passionate about anything before, because she hasnt felt like this before. Youre proposing to sell her haven from under her and, in her book, thats one step too far.

Its very sad that your grown up children are struggling, but theyll have to start working harder in order to find another way. Talk to them about their options. Perhaps you might also consult an independent financial advisor about alternative financial schemes. Do some research but dont be tempted to push your wife too far.

Va va voom

My 35-year-old partner is having an affair with rich 50 year old widow. Im just devastated. He travels to Paris every week for work. I thought he stayed in a hotel, but, apparently, he stays with her. They have sex and she gives him money. How am I supposed to recover from this humiliation? Hes not even agreed to stop seeing her again.

JANE SAYS: Sadly, if your man wont agree to cutting this woman out of his life - and you cant stay with him knowing that he sees her behind your back, then your relationship sounds doomed. How long has he been seeing his secret lover? As for her giving him money; what does that make him? I wonder if you actually know this man or what makes him tick at all.

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