'My boyfriend snubs me in bed and I'm sex-starved I'm worried he's a porn addict'

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• From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Circus tricks

My partner has gone off sex. He doesnt care that Im sex-starved and frustrated. We moved into together last September.

I thought that sharing the same bed would naturally lead to love making every night, but he recoils when I touch him and feels insulted when I ask him to perform. He shouts back that hes not a circus animal and that Im insensitive for expecting him to put on a show on command. He rants that I should learn to restrain myself and show respect.

Dont I realise that hes been at work all day and that hes tired and distracted? But I work full-time too and Im still up for fun.

Ive tried to explain that I love and desire him and enjoy expressing that love physically. But then he gets nasty and calls me a sex addict. He accuses me of listening to too many sex-related podcasts and having unrealistic expectations.

Recently we were at a BBQ, and I was left open mouthed as he joshed along with the other guys making crude jokes about women and sex and being a player. The truth is that he hasnt touched me in months. Could he be a desensitised porn addict?

In the cab home I called him out on it. I said he was full of hot air and he blew his top, accusing me of constantly doing him down. Then he, sort-of, muttered something about hating sex and finding it too messy and unnecessary.

This is the not the kind of relationship that I signed up to. All my ex-boyfriends were loving and amorous and up for sex 24/7. It was always me pushing them away in bed after the second or third time.

JANE SAYS: Your man isnt being true to you, and I dont believe that hes being true to himself either.

If hes under pressure at work or struggling to perform because hes emotionally or physically ill, then he needs to see his GP.

If hes wrestling with his true sexuality, an addiction to porn or has another lover squirrelled away somewhere, then that needs to be bought out into the open too. Is he willing to meet you halfway? Is he willing to talk openly and frankly about this situation so that you both finally know where you stand?

If hes not, then are you really suited? Is he ever going to be the partner you crave? That said, if you have been guilty of putting him down or putting him under undue pressure, then can you apologise and suggest a fresh start?

If you really have stripped him of his confidence, then perhaps he just needs a chance to reset?

Talk about this, away from the bedroom. I understand that youve moved in together, but that doesnt bind you forever. The fact is that not all relationships work out as we think theyre going to. Living together has made you and your boyfriend realise that; maybe, you didnt know each other well enough in the first place. Ultimately, dont waste any more time if youre not making each other happy.

New man

Im suspicious. Just recently my boyfriend has changed his hairstyle, lost weight and treated himself to a whole new wardrobe. Yes, he looks great, but I hardly recognise him anymore. When I suggest going out somewhere special, he says that hes too busy. Whats going on? Could he be cheating?

JANE SAYS: Stop second-guessing and start finding out whats going on. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with a guy losing weight and smartening himself up, but if you honestly feel he could be cheating, then youve got to ask him to come clean with you.

Sadly, if youre still not satisfied with his answers, then youll have to turn detective. What you cant do is risk your sexual health if he IS having sex with someone else.

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