'Our open relationship is out of control she lost her nerve at an orgy'

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Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

• From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

I bed other girls too

My girl has gone off the rails. Shes drinking too much, skipping work and sleeping with a lot of other men. We have an on/off; open relationship.

She blasts that she can do what she likes but that doesnt stop me from loving and caring about her. Ive lost count of the times, recently, that Ive had to rescue her.

The other night she rang me in tears.

She was at a party in a horrible part of town and very scared. Things had turned nasty with some unpleasant guests who had started an orgy, and she couldnt get a cab.

It was 2am and she didnt have the exact address. She had to talk me in on her mobile. I eventually found her crying and shivering at a bus stop. She was blotto. People ask me how I can stand to put up with her. They say that she humiliates me. But there are two sides to her personality.

She can be loving, witty and warm. Its only when she gets alcohol inside her that she flips out and becomes unpredictable. Its not so bad when we go out together because then I can keep an eye on her drinks. Its when she goes out alone or with one of her grungy friends that I worry the most.

Im not trying to pretend that we have a normal, picture perfect relationship because we really dont. I occasionally get off with other girls too.

But that doesnt stop me from worrying about her especially when she goes AWOL, loses her bag and keys or forgets to charge up her phone.

How do I protect and tame her?

JANE SAYS: I get it that you have an unconventional relationship, but how much stress can you take? Surely everyone has their limit and youre about to hit yours?

Your girl needs to grow up and face her demons. The cold, hard fact is that she should never drink alcohol again. Far from enabling her to have fun; it turns her into a liability. All of her inhibitions slip away, and she becomes unrecognisable to you. The sometimes-lovely girl is replaced by a drunken, slurring mess. The woman you know, and love disgraces herself and ends up in dangerous situations.

You have to tell her today that you cant, and wont, go on like this. Unless she gives you a cast iron promise that shell never touch a drop again (and that shell speak to her GP and/or Alcoholics Anonymous if she cant give up by herself), then you will have to reconsider this whole relationship.

My take on it is that you and she are staggering along simply out of habit.

Youre no longer exclusive to each other and she frequently drives you crackers. Yes, I get it that you still care for her, but what are you getting out of this complicated mess?

Shes not your project and how will you ever be able to move on with your life while youre still running around after her?

Surely, its time to call a final halt?

Lapping it up

My boyfriend has just started working for a company where entertaining foreign clients at lap dancing clubs and booking escorts for private parties is the norm.

I dont like this idea. Several times now hes been dragged out to sleazy bars after late-night meetings in the city and not returned to me until the early hours.

He swears that he doesnt indulge in anything seedy but refuses to tell me what everyone else gets up to. I feel paranoid and angry and our sex life is suffering as a result. I feel suburban and dull. How can I compare?

He maintains he doesnt have a choice; if he doesnt go along, then hell lose his job. How do I make him understand how much hes hurting us?

JANE SAYS: You cant condemn your boyfriend for being scrupulously honest with you. He hasnt attempted to conceal the truth. I can only conclude that he doesnt feel guilty because he doesnt have anything to hide. Good, well-paid jobs are hard to come by. Im not saying I agree with it, but if occasionally joining his boss on a night out is going to secure his employment, then maybe you have to respect that. Ultimately, if this is going to ruin your sex life and tear you apart then would he consider meeting you halfway by looking for a new position?

Wrong guy

I said: I do to my husband knowing that Im still madly in love with someone else.

The real love of my life is a cheeky, unpredictable guy I used to work with. We used to have mad sex all over the place. My new husband is safe and steady, but its my saucy ex-lover who still gets my pulse racing. I still see him occasionally through mates and he never fails to arouse me. I fantasise about HIM every time my husband touches me.

Hes married now to gorgeous younger woman, and I feel physically sick at the thought of them making out.

JANE SAYS: I think you need a reality check here. If you married your husband purely because you wanted someone in your life who was solid and dependable then thats just not fair on your hubby.

You cant use him as your emotional safety net. You know that things would never have worked out with your edgy ex. If you and he were meant to be together, then it would have happened by now.

Find the strength to be honest with yourself - and with your husband about your true feelings and intentions.

If this marriage was a mistake, then be big enough and ugly enough to admit that.

No vacancies

My Mum (58) has always been a nasty, tricky women.

Shes suddenly announced that she wants to leave her expensive, rented flat and move in with family. When I tell her that my partner and children wont have her here, she becomes abusive and insulting. My sister wont have her either.

What am I supposed to do?

JANE SAYS: Your children and your partner are your priorities. Your mother is still a relatively young woman and shes simply not your responsibility. If shes not happy in her current home, then she needs to look at other options. Offer to help. Point out that shell get a lot more support from everyone is she employs a better manner and attitude. Dont ever feel guilty for standing your ground.

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