'Sizzling sex in the staff canteen was peak pleasure now it's downhill all the way'

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Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

• From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Risky business

Ive been having a sizzling affair with a cheeky colleague for over two years.

We work in the same department and nip off for quickies in the disabled toilets whenever we can.

Shes very edgy and likes risky encounters in car parks and empty offices too. Once we bonked behind the counter in the canteen after hours, which was hilarious. My problem is that our firm are currently offering a generous voluntary redundancy deal that my wife is pushing me to take. If I do, then itll be the end of my affair, which breaks my heart.

My lover is almost hysterical with worry. She says she cant imagine her working day without me in it. She insists I must cling on to my job no matter what, but Im being torn in two directions and dont know what to do for the best.

Our firm is amalgamating with our chief rival. The board are offering fantastic redundancy packages to anyone who is interested.

Im happy where I am, working in an office, but my wife wants me to get the cash and then start grafting with her brother who runs a successful gardening business.

I cant think of anything worse. Working with outside, with her knob-head of a brother all day? Id go crazy.

My lovers not taking the redundo and Im terrified that shell simply move on to another guy if I go.

She storms that I shouldnt let my wife push me around. She says that I should stick up for myself. But she doesnt know my wife like I do.

Shell make my life a living hell if I dont do as she says.

My perfect life is about to fall apart.

JANE SAYS: For over two years youve been cheating on your wife with a risk-taking, thrill-seeking colleague.

You and she have crept around having sex in all sorts of greasy, grubby places.

But you know, as well as I do, that what youre doing is wrong. Youre a married man. Youre already spoken for. Maybe your wife is overly keen to get her hands on this unexpected payout, but youre not exactly perfect yourself.

The game is up and the crazy times are almost over. Try talking honestly to your wife for a change. Only you can decide if taking the redundancy money is the right thing for you to do for your marriage, your professional career and your mental health.

But, whatever happens, the silly affair must end.

Of course, youve then got to decide whether to tell your wife the absolute truth about your behaviour in order to wipe the slate clean and start again. My worry is that you and she have stopped communicating and are in very different places.

If she thinks youd make a good gardener, then does she even know you at all?

If youve been cheating for over two years, then what does that say about your commitment to this marriage and your level of respect towards your wife?

Time for a good, long think about your whole future?

I think so.

Bunch of users

My husband and I are surrounded by takers. Our parents and children (24 and 25) suck up all our money, time and energy. We even have friends who tap us up for loans and favours.

My husband is bombarded with requests for DIY jobs, cash and car maintenance while Im cooking, cleaning and acting as a one-woman-mental health service for virtually everyone we know. The other day I had my sister on the phone for TWO hours complaining about her cheating on/off boyfriend. I urged her to leave him. The next night she was back in his bed!

We feel completely overwhelmed.

JANE SAYS: Older and younger family members often need extra support. Whether its financial or practical help it tends to fall to the Active Middles like yourselves, to pick up the slack.

As with all things, you and your husband must remember that you have your limits and can only do so much. Surely your twenty something kids can start taking more responsibility for themselves?

If anything happened to you or your husband, then everyone would be forced to get on with it. Dont be tempted to do too much because it wont be appreciated.

Obviously, you now need to get tough with people like your sister. She cannot be allowed to dominate your time or exhaust (and bore) you again.

Location location location

A year ago, my partner sold our car and gave away our guinea pigs without telling me.

Now hes announced that were moving house.

Hes instructed me to start packing up while he sorts out somewhere new. I love my house and this area and dont wish to relocate and start again.

Every time I ask for a proper explanation, he mutters that hes bored and ready for a fresh challenge. What can I do when hes a bit of a control freak?

JANE SAYS: You cant allow your partner to walk all over you. Tell him that you want a proper answer and he if wont give it to you, then youll start sniffing around and get it for yourself. He must understand that you love your home; youve put a lot of work into it and youre settled in your area. Youre in an equal, modern relationship and youre entitled to your say. Ultimately, you have a mind and a voice, and you must decide whether this relationship is a healthy one; one that makes you happy. Words like control freak dont suggest a very happy home to me. Maybe this is the perfect time for you two to go your separate ways?

Pleasure denied

My boyfriend doesnt care about my sexual satisfaction. No matter how many times I beg for oral sex, he denies me that pleasure.

A few weeks ago, I sat him down and told him exactly what I need in the bedroom, but he still hasnt changed how he treats me. If anything, hes become even more selfish and I hate that.

JANE SAYS: Unfortunately, some people are stubborn and arrogant and cant be told anything.

Explain that oral sex, full body massages and screaming orgasms are vitally important to you. Is there a reason why hes been holding back? If hes getting everything he needs from you, then shouldnt your pleasure be his priority? Sadly, if he still doesnt get it, then hell have to be shown the door. Sounds like hes playing games.

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