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'Football name snobs are unbearable it's Vurtz and De Broin, not Veertz and De Bruh-nuh'

BRENT A GOB: This week, Harry's going after the football hipsters who insist on correct pronunciations, and Jamie Carragher for his inability to stay neutral while commentating on Liverpool games

[Florian Wirtz]

It's Florian "Vurtz", not Florian "Veertz"(Image: Getty Images)

I hate footy pronunciation purists more than Newcastle fans hate Alexander Isak and let's face it, those Geordies would sooner bonk a Mackem than clap for that Swedish scallywag.

You know the type I'm on about: self-satisfied hipsters who rock up to the pub in a Celta Vigo away top, order pints of Peroni while rolling their Rs, and brag about binge-watching Football Italia despite the fact Channel 4 canned the show before they were born. "Actually, it's pronounced Kevin De Bruh-nuh." Oh, is it sunshine? Well, for the rest of us who didn't spend six months backpacking around Bruges on daddy's dime, shovelling waffles and fancy Flemish phonetics down our gobs, it's De Broin. Always has been. Always will be.

The same thing is happening with Florian Wirtz. Or should I say "Veertz" - as way too many Bellingham-level show-offs were hissing at the weekend, like they'd just bitten into a lemon. Can you imagine if the Scousers get hold of that? There'll be more airborne saliva than Jamie Carragher managed when he gobbed at that little girl from his car.

Then there's Bruno Fernandes, though apparently it's now "Fer-nandsh" the noise my nan makes when she sneezes into a soggy handkerchief. I mean flippin' heck, that last syllable crumples faster than Bruno does when a defender breathes on him.

Yes, the poncey, lah-di-dah versions might be technically correct. But they're also completely daft and begging to be mocked like when people call Paris "Pah-ree", or Chelsea "world champions". As if.

[Kevin De Bruyne]

If this man's name is Kevin "De Bruh-nuh" we can't be friends(Image: NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Commentary Carr crash

Is anyone else fed up with Jamie Carragher? Like, stuck-behind-a-learner-driver-for-20-miles levels of fed up?

I like him as a pundit, but as a commentator he's more irritating than the fact that Rio Ferdinand still uses words like "baller" and "vibes" despite being a middle-aged dad who probably has a favourite garden centre.

Like Arsenal when there's an awful Chelsea player up for grabs, Carra simply cannot help himself when he's working a Liverpool game.

[Jamie Carragher]

Jamie Carragher has become a bit tiresome on commentary(Image: Getty Images)

He offers nothing but shamelessly-positive PR like some Scouse Fox News presenter and when it's time to criticise his beloved Reds he's quieter than Wayne Rooney's dietician.

Take Friday for example. We didn't hear a peep from him when Bournemouth's Antoine Semenyo was allegedly racially abused by a Liverpool fan, despite his broadcast partner, Peter Drury, bringing it up twice.

I mean that's a worse look than Everton's new flatpack IKEA stadium and Anthony Gordon's midlife crisis headband put together!

[Carragher interviewing Klopp]

Carragher finds it hard to hide his Liverpool bias(Image: Getty Images)

I don't pay 35 a month to listen to Carragher babble on like some egocentric dad at an Under-9s match explaining to the linesman why his son shouldn't have been subbed off.

If he's incapable of staying neutral, take him off Liverpool games or better yet, off commentary altogether. Because as the esteemed Irish philosopher, poet and occasional dog-walker Roy Keane once said: "Thats his job."

[Harry Brent]

Harry Brent

Harry Brent is a journalist, broadcaster and columnist who joined Reach PLC in 2021. He specialises in football and opinion writing and is the architect of the Daily Star's notorious weekly column, 'Brent a Gob'. Known for his irreverent, sharp-witted, and often polarising takes, he has carved out a unique space in sports media. When he isn't "gobbing off" in print, he's hosting Mirror Football's 'Make Football Great Again' podcast.

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